hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
