shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am one with the molecules
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
