She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
