I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
