In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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