Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
