he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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