it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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