could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
