matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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