So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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