I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
