Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
