he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
