She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
