Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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