I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
