I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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