What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
