either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
