i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
