If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want her autograph on my taint
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
