well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
