Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
