five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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