My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
