I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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