listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
