I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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