is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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