This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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