Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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