Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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