I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
