I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
