In the future we'll all be gay
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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