We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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