Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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