i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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