Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
