hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
