the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
