she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
