It's Friday. Sex?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
