Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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