if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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