I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
please don't ironically join a cult
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