You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
