Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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