I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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