Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
